I recently came across a song titled, "The Competition" by Kimya Dawson. Her lyrics struck me, in that they so beautifully demonstrate the work of our Inner Critic, and it's ability to make us feel not good enough. She gives voice to the struggle that so many of us face on the path to worthiness. You can hear that song at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yG0YgUpPlg or Check out the lyrics below:
I never wanted to be better than my friends I just wanted to prove wrong the people in my head The ones who told me I'd be better off dead The ones who told me that I would never win
When I delivered newspapers they said I was too slow When I was a barista they said I made lousy foam When I worked in retail they said I was a slob Much too dumb for school and much too lazy for a job
So I rode my bike like lightning And I made cappuccinos that would make the angels sing Took two showers a day and I dressed up like a princess Shook my fist in my own face and said "i'll show you who's the best"
I wrote the kinds of papers teachers hang up on their walls I was employee of the month in seven different shopping malls And one time, playing football, I pulled the tendons in my leg To prove that I was tough I hopped on one foot And finished up the game
I thought if I succeeded I'd be happy and they'd go away But first thing every morning I'd still wake up and I'd hear them say "you're fat, ugly and stupid, you should really be ashamed No-one will ever like you, you're no good at anything"
And sometimes I'd rise to the challenge But other times I'd feel so bad that I could not get out of bed And on the days I stayed in bed I sang and sang and sang About how crappy I felt, not realizing how many other people would relate
Now people send me emails that say thanks For saying the things they didn't know how to say And the people in my head still visit me sometimes And they bring all of their friends, but I don't mind I play my guitar like lightning When I sing I like it when you sing too, loud and clear Different voices, different tones, all saying "yeah, we're not alone" I got good at feeling bad and that's why I'm still here I got good at feeling bad and that's why I'm still here I got good at feeling bad and that's why I'm still here
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I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!